Self-esteem sometimes seems intimate. But if self-esteem is about the image that you have of yourself, about the value that you give yourself, you'll also have to see the decisions that you can make. What value does someone who can't decide have? So we start to look at our mother. And we decided that we decided on our part, and that we didn't hold our choices, in fact, nor trust our judgment, and that we've always felt corrected and -- all those bad things that mothers do to us (when we're in utero, mothers start teasing us: it's stressed, it's burning, or they're eating the chorizo and they give us the first traumas).
And maybe we're going to go to school. There are Anderers in the schools: the End of Year celebrations are children's groups cared for by young girls. And Andereños traumatize us as much as mothers, because they don't understand our curiosity, our feelings and our need for movement, and they force us to learn sitting in a circle.
We rarely turn to newspapers to explain our mental problems. We rarely think we've gone crazy because in the pandemic we couldn't decide what was good for us, or because we've passed a DANA and we're not going to be able to protect ourselves and our people and the people around us, because our resources are not ours, or because they make us murderers in Palestine, because we're trampled on newcomers, we're not crazy because our illusion has drowned in the reports. We do not believe that we lose self-esteem because any meaningful decision we have will be considered an act of violence.
Perhaps everyone was right, those who are preparing us not to decide. They know that we are of a class, they know that we belong to a gender, they know that -- we won't be able to decide, and we have to get used to it. Some die without realizing that making decisions is dangerous, because they believe that they are made when they decide how to order the house, what to wear, not to get angry (rage hurts what it carries, the idiots say). If you realize and begin to mutter, you will be redirected “yes, yes, whatever you want, but in what society do you live in?” and if they do not, they will kill you in some way. If you can. It is safer never to identify authority. It's safer to give up living. You have to be willing to die to live.
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