As a result of the accident he suffered at the age of seventeen, Igor Nabarro suffers a chest injury that directly affects him. Since then, below the lesion, it has little mobility or sensitivity. After the accident, she received psychological and medical attention and had to learn new ways to do the things of daily life. However, he has denounced that erotic and gender identity were left in a corner: “If no one talks to you about erotic or sexuality, you understand that sexuality is in a third, fourth or fifth plane and it’s not for you, because you can’t follow the erotic model that has been there so far.”

Before the accident I had “very internalized” what it was to be a man and what the erotic model “to follow” was: “It was clear what they expected of me on an erotic level, what I had to offer and what I had to do”. He adds that he has been educated in the “normative model”, that is, in a model centered on genitals, penetration, orgasm and erection: “If you can’t get into that, you feel like you can only look at sexuality from nostalgia.”

Before leaving the hospital, he tried to reproduce the initial erotic model with some of the attendees: “It’s something that happens to us all, and that’s a big frustration.” After leaving the hospital, she began to have sex with people she did not know before and moved away from this model: “It was difficult and I was very frustrated, but I learned to seek my pleasure without forgetting the pleasure of others, to enjoy my body, the unity with others…”

In this process he saw that sexuality is more “broad” and “enriching” than he thought; moreover, it is “infinite” because new things are constantly being learned and discovered: “The normative models limit us, we internalize what we have to do and what will give us the most pleasure; that is, the preliminary ones, the penetration – the big plate – and an incredible orgasm.” He added that this is a model based on “production” and “performance”, because it seeks to persevere constantly, keep it firm and hard in the case of those who have penis and give pleasure: “It’s a imposed model. That doesn’t mean it’s not pleasant, but in erotic we’re also unable to get it out of production.” “liberating” the established path has led to the feeling of masculinity and gender identity differently: “In the end, I learned that being a man is not fulfilling stereotypes and mandates, but an identity that I feel.”

Varied sex education

Throughout this process, he has found nothing, no reference, no information. What happens when a person's erotic stays in a corner? How do you learn the limits? How do personal relationships with the body and other bodies work? According to Nabarro, two opposing messages are disseminated: on the one hand, the message society receives is that people with disabilities do not have desires or pleasurable relationships; and, on the other, it is suggested that they are “impulsive”, especially those with intellectual or cognitive disabilities, who are not able to resist impulses or touch the bodies of others. “If there is no sex education, if we are infantilized, if there are many people going through my body continuously without asking permission and without explaining why, as doctors, family members and caregivers, why am I not going to internalize that I can touch and undress anyone when I want?”

Underlines the importance of extending sex education to all people: “Sex education is not limited to adolescence, it should be at all stages of life, because our sexual biography is changing. Our bodies are not equal to 7, 17, 35, 60 or 80 years.” Furthermore, it considers that sex education has never been inclusive and stresses that the sexuality of people with disabilities has no place: “If they don’t see us as wanted and wanted people, the lack of information will lead to exclusion.” However, it believes that it is changing little by little.

A PART OF THE BODY

"When we talk about sexuality, there are two things left: the skin as such and the brain as such. Some parts of the body are erogenous, but the skin is as such an erotic sexual organ. It is curious that someone with a spinal cord injury says this, but from the injury there are also many sensitive surfaces, which increases the intensity. As for the brain, we all know it's the main sex organ, sensations start and end in the brain. That's what we have to work on to expand sexuality."