On April 26, Lesbian Visibility Day, I gave a lecture on behalf of a university. It took me a hard time to get the go-ahead. First of all, I assume that I am not an empty lesbian, complete, total (see project Nola esan/izan bollera Euskaraz) and that I feel the scammer syndrome when I am taken as a reference lesbian.

On May 17, International Day Against LGBTBIphobia, I interviewed Cris Lizarraga, a member of the Belako music group, for a documentary, because lately he's promoting the visibility of bisexuality, and talking to him has given me the keys to understanding that feeling.

Our trajectory is similar: due to lack of referents and opportunities, he grew up in the heteronorma, lived difficult experiences with the boyfriends, and when he began to have lesbian relations, the bollera politically opted for identity. However, when she heard the interview of sex educator La Psywoman in Pikara Magazine to bisexual activist Elisa Coll, she realized that political lesbianism chained in the deceit syndrome that I mentioned. Thanks to Coll’s speech, he dismantled the sentence of bisexuality within the LGTBI movement (which is not dissident, which is a binarist*, that biphobia does not exist…).

Then, with the recognition of his bisexuality he acquired a great tranquility: “It’s meant to pacify my past, also my future.” That phrase shocked me. Sometimes I've seen myself trying to force biographical coherence. I mean, I have denied or concealed in some way that I have lived love, that I have lived desire, that I have lived pleasure with men. It has been authentic and not the result of alienation or heteropatriarchal imposition, even though machismo has often frustrated it.

I have been given a particularly interesting reference to the future. In film (The kids are all right, La Vie d’Adèle…) and in the series (The L Word, Orange is the new black) the stigma that bisexual women suffer in society is constantly reinforced: that we are changing, promiscuous and unfair. That sooner or later we will return to heterosexuality and will be a high-level betrayal for those around us. This machista narrative becomes a ghost for political lesbians and also harms the self-esteem of complete lesbians.

Elisa Coll also mentions in her book Bisexual Resistance that bisexuality is the only one that has no community among the acronyms LGTB. This lack of protection affects emotional health and this identity is another obstacle to living with pride.

Being bisexual means, in this biphobic society, living continuous identity crises. Like Colle to Lizarraga, the Belaco musician has made me the most important. The perception that this internal biphobia has influenced the process of self-understanding and social integration has made me uncomfortable.

And yet, I'm also a mouthful, I live a mouthful, I live a lesbophobia, I love lesbian culture.

Perhaps changing is not a mistake but a virtue.

Perhaps our sexuality is richer than the simple dichotomy of fish/meat.

Maybe we don't have to choose one or the other.

Perhaps we can claim the “Bollera is the only road”, without forgetting that the paths are beautiful.

We may be violent.

*Pansexual has been proposed as a bisexual binarist, but, according to Elisa Coll, a good definition of bisexual is that you like your gender and other genders.