Edges of No
6 July. The festivities of Pamplona begin. Everywhere there were whole streets. In a corner held by a public bank, young people talking. They talk about no. One question: Is it not to say yes?
The concern is clear: to know how to act at the parties that begin. Lost, or sold, sexual passion in the doubts between the newcomer and good practices. In the kalaka of adolescents, until the arrival of the mature lady at her walk – red hand on the chest, compulsory complement in the sanfermines uniform.
Forced pause. And then, turning away from them, the boys chatted cheerfully, doing lunch.
I don't know if they drew conclusions, but they made me germinate the seed of a doubt: Are we OK?
Since 6 July, I've thought a lot about that day. The news and the protests around the sexist aggressions always bring me doubts and questions: if we are OK and how we can do better.
Faced with the worrying reality of sexist aggressions, a disturbing idea: the campaign of the is inadequate, but does not go beyond the traditional framework of gender role sharing. It does not question the initiative of men in sexual relations, nor the obligation of women to confront the nuances of men.
Many of the people who very strongly reject sexist aggressions remain firmly convinced that the sexual desire of men is uncontrollable. The whole system confirms that conviction - with content of leisure such as songs, films, advertising... And not calling this belief into question imposes on women the obligation of no. At best, it has to be said that yes or no, clearly and without nuances, in what and in sex, where nuances are natural.
The right to say is not everybody's right. However, this right becomes an obligation in the case of women when we talk about sex or love. In men, no: the rejection of the requirements of women does not generate major problems in society – neither conflicts, nor violence…. And in the field of men, the right to man is no less important because they have another stronger right than tacitly confessing, to assert that uncontrollable and undeniable desire.
In order not to continue playing in the usual corner you have to go beyond the no. We must put at risk the convictions that allow men to attack women and the conditions that impose on women the need to defend ourselves from men. First of all, breaking the silence and the incommunication that surrounds them.
Bidali zure iritzi artikuluak iritzia@argia.eus helbide elektronikora
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