Mourning
Denial, anger, negotiation, depression and acceptance. Experts say that grief has five phases, and not always, those that occur in the CAV. The theoretical framework is as follows: “It’s not you, it’s your theoretical framework.” Very logical in itself. A schematic and orderly process in your notes. And until you know it, you -- until grief happens to you and you on your own -- you've plunged into endless juerges, you've felt sleepless, and you've burned your life in the early fall fires. And life, at times, has become a paper boat. The lack of appetite, the inability to get out of bed, the fear and shame of going to the sites alone. You've searched, lost, trying to open a window to life and lazy at once.
You are surrounded by those who know you close, but you feel them far, even if the distance between two points is always the same. Shame and fear before asking for help, you'd avoid it. Where? You're on your side, furious for being a strong and independent woman, because you haven't found the strength yet. “You know it’s a matter of time,” but the present of pain has no past or future. You want to grab the scars you bring on your skin and in your biography, maintain your memory and trust them. The concept of “embody” is part of your new theoretical framework, and you are a very quick host to internalize concepts in discourse.
Those who know you close surround you, but you feel them far, even if the distance between the two points is always the same. Shame and fear before asking for help, you'd avoid it. Where?
You're starting to turn candles on. At the entrance of the house you have placed a pagan and heterodox altar. Once every two days, with the Palo Santo in your hand, draw circles in the air through the rooms of the house. There are days when you can plan routines and fulfill them half-heartedly. He's also going to therapy, because he's afraid to miss a night, like a crazy guy, since he went to the cemetery. “If you have to cry, cry and lie on the ground, you won’t fall below. You ask your friends to come to sleep with you and I will not pass here again”, you repeat yourself and that patient friend you have in front of you. Very upset you're cheering on a concert. A song speaks of the healing power of the sea. You want to believe in it because God, the family and the State have lost all credibility. Pedals towards the sea, as it rains without piety. Believe? Yes. By the time the raw reality becomes unbearable, rites. Because you know you're going to go through grief and him for you again.
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