Erreakzioak
Kontzertu batean nengoen. Eta aldamenean neukan mutila gehiegi hurbiltzen ari zitzaidala nabaritu nuen. Bat-batean, Bomba Estereoko abeslariak “qué bonito es bailar apretao” abesten zuelako aitzakian edo, are gehiago hurbildu zen eta, sast!, bere eskua soinekoaren azpian sentitu nuen. Zein izan zen nire erantzuna? Harritu eta sumindu, baina tipoari ezer esan gabe, nire lagun bati lekuz aldatzea eskatu nion.
Aurreko astean autodefentsa feminista tailer batean parte hartu nuen, duela bizpahiru urte ere beste bat egin nuen. Argi daukat inork ez duela nire gorputza ukitzeko eskubiderik, eta egiten badu, erantzuteko eskubidea daukadala, erasoa baita. Eta erantzutea oso garrantzitsua dela, etsipenik ez sentitzeko eta erasotzaileen inpunitatea ez sendotzeko. Hala jokatzen dute, emakumeoi egotzitako rol pasiboari men egingo diogula eta ezinegona eta amorrua irentsiko ditugula uste dutelako.
Gure senari jaramon egitea autodefentsako ikasgai nagusietako bat da. Kaletik gizon bat jarraika dugula edota autobusean bere zakila
gure ipurdiaren kontra hurbiltzen ari dela sentitzen dugunean, askotan gure buruari galdetzen diogu gure paranoia ote den. Emakumeoi, feministoi batik bat, etengabe leporatzen digute esajeratuak eta histerikoak izatea. Eta azkenean guk geuk ere emakume histerikoaren mitoa sinesten dugu. Kalean taxi bat gelditzen dugu, gizonaren begirada lizuna iruditzen zaigu, baina ezinegon hori isildu eta taxira igotzen gara. Bat-batean, gure aurrean masturbatzen ari dela ikusten dugu eta gure intuizioari jarraitu ez izanaz damutzen gara. Halako bizipenak partekatzen ditugu autodefentsa ikastaroetan eta ondorioa hori izaten da: gehienetan bagara arriskuak eta erasoak usaintzeko gai, arazoa da “seguru asko oker nago” pentsatzen dugula. Tailerrean neska askok esan zuten: “Berdin dit taxilariak zoro nagoela pentsatzen badu. Edozerk susmo txarra ematen badit, ez naiz taxira igoko, edo gero kotxea geldi dezala aginduko diot”.
Ikastaro hauetan azaleratu ohi da eraso baten aurrean erantzun ordez geldi, paralizatuak, geratzen garenean lotsa edota errua sentitzen ditugula. Orain dela urte batzuk, Bartzelonako Ranbletan nenbilela, tipo bat nire albotik pasa eta ipurdia ukitu zidan. Erreakzionatzea kostatu zitzaidan eta dagoeneko urrun zegoenean “gilipollas” bat oihukatu baino ez nuen egin. Indargabe eta tuntun sentitu nintzen. Baina atzoko kontzertuan are eta tuntunago eta koldarrago sentitu nintzen. Atsekabetu nintzen, urte hauetan ikasitakoa praktikara eramateko gai izan ez nintzelako. Geroago nire buruarekin gogorregi jokatu nuela konturatu naiz. Bilbon zein Managuan ia egunero kaleko jazarpen sexistari aurre egiten diot, eta gero eta maizago erantzuten dut, gutxienez begiradarekin deserosotasuna eta amorrua adierazten dizkiet. Askotan ez naiz indarrekin sentitzen, baina beste askotan bai. Ulergarria da beldurra sentitzea, jakin badakigu emakumeoi ezarritako rol pasibo horrekin apurtzeak ondorioak dakartzala. Izan ere, bortxaketaren mamuarekin hazi gara.
Horregatik, Euskal Herriko Koordinadora Feministaren “Ez dut ausart sentitu nahi, libre sentitu nahi dut!” leloa oso gustukoa dut. Emakume izateak, feminista izateak, egunero heroia izatea baitakar. Eta ez dut heroia izan nahi, kalean eta gauean lasai ibili ahal den hiritar askea baizik. n
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