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Amaren heriotzak libreago egin ninduen<br>Mari Luz Esteban<br>Pamiela, 2013
Amaren heriotzak libreago egin ninduen
Mari Luz Esteban
Pamiela, 2013

Kontatu digute hauskortasuna eta zaurgarritasuna tresnatzat darabiltzala Mari Luz Estebanek liburu honetan, maitasunaren eta askatasunaren arteko talkak zaizkiola interesatzen, odola hortik ateratzen zaigula dariola maiz. Eta egia da. Baina irakurlea liluratzen duena ez da sentimenduen mugak esploratzeko gaitasuna bakarrik, ezpada estiloa bera: neurritsua, orekatua, hunkigarria… eta gogorra da: “Baina/ aitor dut/ amaren heriotzak libreago egin ninduen/ berrasmatu ahal izateko ibilbide propioa/ besterik ote bizitza?/ saminaren saminenean/ oi paradoxen barne-indarra!/ bigarren aldiz jaiotzeko ahalbidea/ oparitu zidan”. Liburua irakurri behar da osorik hitzok gordetzen duten maitasun eta koherentzia ulertzeko.

Emakume ahots ederrarekin kontraesanak bere gain hartu ditu idazleak, eta poesiaren zelaietara eroanez astindu ditu, gogoratu ditu, madarikatu ditu. Bizizalea da gehien-gehienean liburua, baina gorputzari eta bizitza ospatzeari besteko tartea egiten zaio kontzientzia kritikoari. Finean emakumearen irudi tradizionalari kontra egiten dio, desafiatu egiten du normala dena. Ahaztu beraz besteen arabera baino bizi ez den emakumea, ahaztu bere kabuz eta beretzat ezer egin ez dezakeena. Emakume helduaren ahots dardarati sendoa entzun gura baduzu hipokrisiaren erdian, eta berdintasun formalaren paradisu barrotedunetik atera nahi baduzu, hau zuretzako moduko liburua da. Oier Guillanek aldizkari honetan bertan esan zuen ederto eztabaidak agerian jartzen dituen liburua dela, “batzuoi ezohikoak zaizkigun moduak” azaleratzen dituena. Analisi literario burutsuekin baino, hobe da bihotzarekin hurreratzea idazlearen jardunera, bizitzaren beraren kontakizun idealizatu honetara.

Bere horretan da plazera Amaren heriotzak libreago egin ninduen irakurtzea. Eternitatea une batean kondentsatua dator batzuetan. Beste batzuetan denbora pasatzen da astiro, eta atzera begiratzean konturatzen gara hegaz egin duela, inozentzia deseginez: “Han izan naiz Domu Santu bezperan,/ hiru urte nitueneko paradisu albo-alboan”. Hizkuntza lau eta narratiboa darabil Mari Luz Estebanek, baina irakurlea gustura ibiliko dela deritzot halako giro etereo bat ere sortzen duelako, zetazko oihal eta berba arinena, sinbolismoz beteriko adibideetan: “Agian arrazoi zuen adiskide hark/ neu eta neure gertukoen artean/ ehundu dudan errezel mehe-ikusezinaz/ hitz egiten didanean”. Terriblea baita titulua, ederra eta leuna ostera kantua.


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