“In the newsletter today at noon, you will see the mayor of your capital, offering the main plaza of the city to the military body that tortured us. In today’s information at noon, you will see the structure that murdered our friends and relatives unravel through our streets. And we, one more day, will have to devour as we can the pain and fear that they caused us. And the blame. And shame. And humiliation."

These are the words of Amaia Urizar, tortured by the Civil Guard in the act of denouncing the military celebration organized by the Civil Guard on 12 October in the center of Vitoria-Gasteiz. Those pains, fears and blame are not Urizar's personal feelings, nor are they a thing of the past.

Last week I interviewed a Gasteiztarra who was tortured by the Civil Guard to learn about his feelings about what the military institute was going to do today. He marked me with anger, with pain, with helplessness. "What they are going to do on October 12 in Vitoria-Gasteiz is an apology for terrorism. I have no doubt that ETA has created terror on a part of society, but those who have created terror on a large part have been the Civil Guard, the National Police, the Ertzaintza, judges or prison officials.” Two days later, all ready, we decided not to publish the interview. “That’s what I feel and I have a right to say, but I don’t feel able to sustain it,” he explained. She was afraid to reappear in public, she was afraid of the Civil Guard. He's been sick all week.

Three years ago, I asked for an interview with another person tortured on the occasion of the 20th anniversary of his arrest. He hesitated for a couple of months, suffering unreservedly, until, despite repeated me to forget my conversation, he refused. Once again the fear of the Civil Guard has been caught up in the dock. Fear of appearing as tortured and expressing associated feelings.

Her fear was not only for what the Civil Guard has done in the past, but for what she could do today, in 2024, thirteen years after ETA’s disappearance.

To fear, an even more unfair additional suffering must be added: the burden of giving the testimony both felt, once again, for the umpteenth time, 20 years later, and the lack of testimony brought guilt to them. They would certainly not feel the same and weighty if the truth of torture were officially recognized. But all memory remains a battlefield.

On Saturday, in Vitoria-Gasteiz, steps were taken towards recognition and guarantees of non-repetition. Retreat in Plaza Nueva. A step forward in Artium. During the conflict, it will always be unfair to ask tortured people and victims of state violence in general. For example, asking for an interview can be a source of pain. And yet, they continue to entangle, denounce, testify, individually and collectively. We will value that value and that painful effort in its entirety, not normalize it, because the goal, as in other areas, is to be free, not courageous.