Automatically translated from Basque, translation may contain errors. More information here. Elhuyarren itzultzaile automatikoaren logoa

"We need to create a new erotic culture"

  • Iriarte de Haizea Egigu (Azpeitia, 1984) and Edurne Mendizabal Tolosa (Hernani, 1972) work on the Harmonak programme of the Arremanitz cooperative in the education of the sexes. The co-education project, which this year celebrates its tenth anniversary, has been interviewed by the journalist Ihitza Elustondo in the July magazine Uzarria.
Haizea Egiguren eta Edurne Mendizabal, plazan.
Artikulu hau CC BY-SA 3.0 lizentziari esker ekarri dugu.

27 July 2018 - 12:26

Haizea Egiguren and Edurne Mendizabal work with different citizens and agents on sex education as part of the Co-education project promoted by the Azpeitia City Council. According to the workers of the Harmonak program of the Arremanitz cooperative, "thanks to everyone, co-education is becoming an increasingly integral project".

What and with whom do you work?

For us, the protagonists are young people, that is why we work in the areas where they are located. The focus is on the educational community, from which we try to popularize the elaborations, in collaboration with both local agents and collectives. We believe that it is important to develop integral projects for all people, in one way or another, because we are all educators. We work on three pillars: co-education, sex education and good treatment.

What do you want to achieve through your project?

The transformation of the society. It is a programme for the prevention of mistreatment and male violence aimed at improving the quality of life and promoting parity. Good deals are the way to achieve this, because in our career we have seen that training in good deals for prevention is much more effective than telling us what not to do.

To achieve this goal, what lines do you work on?

The main lines of work are training and awareness-raising, counselling and networking. On the one hand, we carry out several sessions in schools with young people, teachers and parents, offering them an advisory service. On the other hand, for a more co-educational people, we try to involve the actors that are part of the lives of young people. To do this, we collaborate with agents, weaving networks that we can create in their respective fields and together. We have a Coeducational Forum that brings together all of them and from which we have guided different projects, among them the refurbishment of the playgrounds. On top of that, Plax! We offer sex and counseling services to address the concerns of adults. We saw that there was a gap in the town to talk calmly about sexuality and we decided to start offering a professional and confidential service focused on counseling, together with the city council.

You also promote self-organizing groups among young people. What works in these teams?

Self-organization groups are very important to us. We do one-off sessions in schools, but we also give young people in a range of ages the opportunity, according to their wishes and needs, to work on various subjects in their free time, outside of school hours. In these groups, young people are the subjects and it is our job to be close to them. We started the self-organization project because there was an attack on a student, and this year we started working with it for five years. Currently, in each school there is a group that works from everything: romantic love, sexist violence, beauty model, ligote... For example, some members who have been in self-organizing groups continue to organize in groups today; this awareness continues to expand: Some of the Basanderias are members of the feminist assembly, others participate in the offerings of the Rincón de Mujeres... Each of them has been affected in a different way by the work done.

Do only women participate in these groups?

In schools, especially in a range of ages, we work on gender roles with young people and we do separate sessions with girls and boys. We work with boys on what rigid model of boy we have in this society and we offer them the conditions to be a boy of another kind: that one can cry, be close, express affection... We work with women on where sexist violence places us, and we reflect on it with the aim of empowering them. We propose to everyone to participate in self-organizing groups, but boys find it harder to encourage them. Because boys have to somehow organize themselves against what this society transmits to them, and it is not easy to break these resistances and lose their privileges. We have a big challenge here.

On this path to parity, what should be the role of men?

It’s important to tell boys and men that they have a lot to gain from parity. When talking about equality or feminism, many of them feel accused, and that is why we believe in the need to invent proposals that are attractive to men. It is important to involve sensitized men in this. Boys with parity also have a lot to gain because they will be able to develop all areas of their lives normally. The fact is that being a boy or a man is associated with homophobia. The boys have always been told: "Don't cry." A guy's got to have something that doesn't look like a woman to not be a 'marika'. When we talk about homophobia, it seems that we are talking about people with homophilic practices, but homophobia affects all of us and, above all, all of the boys and men, because they are included in this rigidity. Boys build strategies to be masculine from an early age, but being masculine means you neglect some areas of your life, and you’re not connected to yourself and you’re doing what people expect of you. This causes immense damage and, in this sense, we have a great challenge. In this unequal society we all have to win.

What concerns do young people have today?

Young people are a clear mirror of society. Young people want them to be accepted, which is why they take the norms of this society to the extreme: the male, female, patriarchal, heteronormative model, the coitocentrist model of sexuality, the gendered, the couple’s rule... Talking about young people is interesting, but it is based on a model of society and a model of communication. Young people want to imitate the models they receive both on television and on the Internet, and this rigid model creates pressure. Young people are concerned about this.

What kind, for example?

The typical question for young people is: "Does the first time hurt? ". They ask this question because they have internalized the heteronormativity and the coitocentrist model. They ask questions based on this model in which we live: they have concerns about beauty, about flirting, whether or not we are a couple, what kind of relationships we should have, how we understand love, romantic love... These are many of their concerns. We try to de-energize this model and expand its range, making it visible the diversity. There seems to be a pattern: I don’t know at what age to kiss, then be a couple, get married, have children... This path is the only one we see, and there are many more possibilities. Young people reveal all the mistakes that adults present to us, but in the end, everyone is affected by this model.

Young people have similar concerns as adults.

Young people take things to the extreme, which is beautiful because it allows us to address these issues. As adults, we make more things up. This model of society and relationship tells us what kind of girl or boy we should be; that relationships should be coitocentrists, heterocentrists, and genialized; that we should be young, beautiful, and normal... Most of us are outside of this model, and wanting to be in this unreal model of the minority causes pain. The pain that all this causes is the concern of the current society, since this does not generate well-being.

In general, people don't live very well?

It can get a lot better.

Today, with the strength that feminism is acquiring, it seems that things have improved a lot.

Without a doubt, and we are improving. Feminism has done a great job in this regard. Feminism still has a negative connotation among some, and we always say clearly that it has been a strong historical struggle and that it is thanks to this that we are where we are. Thanks to this, diversity is slowly gaining ground. We see that there is a growing diversity among young people and that there is still room for improvement among adults. Young people are somehow making this diversity visible to the public: more and more lesbians and gays are seen on the streets and in schools, for example. But we are still homophobic and transphobic in society, and we adults have a bigger problem than young people in this sense.

You work with a lot of people about sexuality. Do we talk enough about sexuality today?

No, I don't. And what is spoken is usually around the same pattern as mentioned above. It does not count the feelings one has, the desires, the limitations, the difficulties... Young people often say: "But my parents know everything now, because they have three children." Do you know everything now that you've done three raids? Think about what we're transmitting. There is no talk of naturalness, diversity, calm... Lack of quality. There's a lot of jokes, topics... Over the years we have seen that there is a huge gap: there is no talk of girls’ sexuality. We don't talk about our pleasure, orgasm, female masturbation... We don’t say that you have to recount your experience, you can also speak with total respect for intimacy. But there must be an explicit place for this. We saw this need, and that’s why we created the Alu Ulu theater forum, because the need to talk openly about women’s sexuality is very evident, calm and simple.

Do we need to talk calmly?

Let's give an example. Maybe I want something with a person, and I say it anyway, partying... And so he'll tell me to give it up in peace. Can't that be a game? We can tell him in a different way that we like him, and he'll tell me: "I don't want it today, but thank you! ". There are many burdens and taboos in society, and we do everything wrong. To change this, it is necessary to create a new erotic culture. We are trying to invent new projects: what can we do to build a simple, natural, humorous, healthy and rich model? It would make us all feel better. We have been told a lot about what not to do, but what do we want to do? We lack positive models.

People don't know how to behave?

The incidence of male violence in the population is enormous and there is a lot of fear. It is clear that the right answers must be given with sexist attacks. On the street, thanks to feminisms we are giving firm answers and the administration has to put a lot of resources, we should involve all citizens in this. What we are working on is what needs to be done to avoid such situations. Prevention is the way, and for this it is necessary to create a new erotic culture of good treatment. It is evident what it takes to be calm with what we do, to communicate, to say no, to live connected with our body, to accept our body as it is, to enjoy it... This model is very painful.

What are Good Deals?

To combat violence, one must begin by taking care of oneself. If I take care of myself and respect myself, I will also transmit this to those around me, and this is spreading. On the other hand, if I don’t treat myself well, I won’t treat my neighbor well either, and that negative energy or violence is spreading. The good spreads as the bad spreads. That's why it's so important to train in good deals. The aim is to de-energize the patriarchal society and this model of sexuality and to create a new erotic culture. And of course, public responses must be given to all actions that are unacceptable; one does not remove the other.

We talk about sexist violence, but not so much about its impact on sexuality. What does it affect?

What people understand about sexuality is not the same as what sexuality itself is. We consider sexuality to be practices with the genitals, but sexuality is more than that: we are sexualized beings and sexuality is formed by the experiences and relationships we have. And the existence of macho violence also says a lot about how we understand relationships. Does all this affect erotic practices? Of course, yes: we are afraid that our proposals are appropriate, even if I say yes wrong and say no... There is no room for sanity and enjoyment. There are also power relations in our erotic relationships, and there is an incredible amount of work in managing them.

I'm talking about Plax! We offer sexual and couples counseling. Is it easy for people to ask for help?

This type of service is not easy, in fact, it seems that the one who goes to the sexologist has a problem. And that’s not true, we all have difficulties and needs to adapt at different stages of our lives. And the one who goes to the sexologist pays attention to this concern and tries to find a solution. That's always good. It is important that this type of service is public, otherwise only those who have money will have access to this type of service. In this sense, Azpeitia City Council is a reference: we believe that investing in prevention is a saving of resources.

In these sessions, what concerns have you noticed, above all?

It comes from everything, people of different ages and with a variety of concerns. But many of those who turn to us have marital conflicts. Some come with concerns about sexual responses: "I can't have orgasms, I get pain during penetration, I have problems with erection..." But they also often have other concerns: one of them may have an illness, they want to have children and they can’t, one of them has had an accident and now has special needs... There are a thousand situations where a travel companion would help us a lot. Many times you look at what is happening with different eyes and realize that there is no problem: our ideas are the problems.

Do relationships work well together?

It seems that when a couple emerges happiness is guaranteed, but we always say that’s when it all starts. It seems that the couple is something that grows spontaneously, something that adapts spontaneously, and the couple has to work. We don’t have a culture of caring for couples. We think that the responsibility for our happiness should be the partner, and be careful! No, it's our responsibility. There are many corrupt ideas: if the couple goes well, people feel happy; and if not, they don’t. And we cannot limit ourselves to that; family, friends... there are many other things in one’s life. It is notable that the concept of half orange is still very much alive. A couple is an option.

According to surveys, nine out of ten have ever felt a sexual desire for someone other than their partner. Is that acceptable?

More and more people talk and negotiate about it, and more and more couples experience it. But it is very general to think that we will not have an erotic relationship with people outside the relationship of a couple. In any case, desire and enthusiasm are there, they exist, and they are beautiful and delicious. We have to manage them, but this supposed universal norm brings immense pains and conflicts. By avoiding conflicts, many decide not to say anything to their partner, and these are not clean relationships because of a lack of honesty. And we believe that, more than people, the model of love and sexuality that is so deeply rooted in society is to blame for this. If we de-energize this and give each other resources, other kinds of relationships can also be built. We do the apology of desire and pleasure; enjoying is good, enriching and makes us good. Because of the schemes of this society, however, we are always surrounded by conflict, and we have to turn this omelet around.

Recent surveys indicate that condom use is becoming less and less common. What's going on?

There is information, but attitudes must be cultivated. We all know that a condom should be placed before a penetration, but it is often not placed. This means that the information is not enough. The values behind it must be cultivated. They often say: "I couldn't find a condom..." If that’s the problem, you have an easy solution: always keep it on and you’re done. And if we don't have it, it can be played differently. It seems that for the erotic practice to be complete, vaginal penetration is essential. There's a lot of rotten ideas, and there's a lot of work changing that.

In the face of these ideas, what are you trying to convey?

We explain to young people what a good condom use is, but we do a much deeper elaboration than that. Vaginal penetration is the only practice that creates the risk of becoming pregnant, everything else can be done without this consequence. We can live without penetration in many times of our life, enjoying it perfectly and equally or more; in fact, fingers or other things are more flexible than a penis. When you tell young people that you can enjoy it even without penetration, they think it will be without orgasm and excitement, delicious. They often see penetration as the next option to give muxu, and we try to make them see that there are stairs in between. There can be an incredible erotic pleasure even without penetration. Our challenge is to confront these beliefs, because that is what will give us peace of mind.

The sexuality of the elderly remains a taboo in society...

Old age is a great time to enjoy sexuality and many other things, because the elderly have time, they have lost their shame... They have many advantages. And their concerns also tend to revolve around this coitocentrist model. If we had this culture to enjoy and experience with the whole body, old age would be a golden age.

You also work with various local actors, including members of Txolarte who worked on sexuality. What kind of experience was it? What conclusions did you draw?

A beautiful one. We got along very well with the young people, but we saw that their parents probably needed them more. So I decided to have a movie with my parents. It was very fruitful and we came to the general conclusion that people with special needs do not appear to us as sexual people; they are not recognized as having the right to sexuality. People’s privacy should be a universal right, taught from an early age.

You also take the people sent from Osakidetza to Plax! in the service. What problems do people usually come to you with?

There may be a lack of desire, difficulties in having orgasms... No one in sex education speaks to us clearly, only pornography. What happens in pornography? There are large penises, orgasms are very long, huge bodies appear... All this is false because it is a montage. But we don’t have any other clear explicit model, and people compare and say: "I run too fast." And they ask us: "What's the right size? For how long? ". And that's probably not a problem. That’s why we try to teach them to play with excitement: we do exercises, we send them practices, we send them housework... They often make good progress in a few sessions.

What advice would you give to people?

We must take the step towards good treatment from practice and self-care. It is important to enjoy, have fun and reduce demands. We have to be aware of what we want, what is really important in life, and we have to pay attention to it, we don’t put it at all at the pace at which we live. We could use some calm. We would tell the citizens to dedicate time to themselves, to enjoy the environment, to be brave and to participate in the existing proposals – mobilizations, calls, trainings – to surround themselves with Plax!, to make proposals... The same is true of Harrmonak: everyone’s contributions, desires and desires seem important to us, because we all have a lot to gain.

This interview has been published by Yucatecas and we have brought it to you thanks to the Creative Commons license.


You are interested in the channel: Sexualitatea
2025-01-28 | UEU
The Bakedano Moreno Sea
"We are all referents in sex education"
The online course "Sex education beyond classrooms" with the UEU will be taught by the sexologist Mar Bakedano Moreno (Baldorba, 1992). She holds a Master’s degree in Sex Education and Counselling from INCISEX, a Clinical Sexology Training from Dos Areas and a Pedagogical and... [+]

2024-12-20 | Hainbat egile*
Pornography on young people

Young people start consuming pornography before, as porn is their only sex education. How on earth have we come here?

Today, it has to be acknowledged that thanks to the Internet it is much easier to see pornography. Unfortunately, through a click, the 7-9 year-old boy comes to... [+]


Maritxu and Katalina: Because the stories of dissidents sex and gender lost in the files are part of History.
At the end of the 15th century or the beginning of the 16th century, she was arrested, imprisoned, tortured, stripped of everything and exiled Catherine of Belauntza, for refusing “carnal relations” with Maredi of Oiartzun. We know of this 500 year incognito event and lost... [+]

Hamza Abuhamdia (Palestinian activist 'queer')
"The body is the first territory occupied by colonial power"
On Saturday, Hamza Abuhamdia, a Palestinian queer settled in Paris, will go to Makea to take part in the meeting for Palestine. He will conduct a workshop on pinkwashing run by Israel – with simultaneous translation to the Basque language – at 15:30 in the afternoon... [+]

Romance sex

Zamora, late 10th century. On the banks of the Douro River and outside the city walls the church of Santiago de los Caballeros was built. The inside capitals of the church depict varied scenes with sexual content: an orgy, a naked woman holding the penis of a man… in the... [+]


Report the "collapse" of the sexually transmitted infections center of the Bilbao Fire Station Etxaniz
Alfonso Setiey, president of Anitzak, said that there is a lack of staff and information, that the waiting list is "long" and that there is a "great stigmatization".

The need for resources and agents to provide a coordinated response to chemsex in Navarra
Organized by the Sare Association, in Pamplona a conference has been organized to talk about the sociocultural phenomenon of chemsex.

2024-09-10 | Sustatu
Kaixomaitia.eus will be closed at the end of September, if no one takes over
It will close at the end of September Kaixomaitia.eus, the web in Basque to search for contacts, after 17 years of activity. This was announced in a message by its creator, Iñigo Arandia Galarraga, who during these years has worked hard in the management of this resource. In... [+]

2024-08-20 | ARGIA
They report that trans people who want to start treatment in Osakidetza have to go through psychiatry.
Various groups have denounced that trans people cared for in the Gender Identity Unit of the Hospital de Cruces are being cared for by professionals of the first psychiatric reception, which transas pathologies and should be an endocrine reception. From Gurutzeta they have... [+]

Prep, another barrier against HIV
There are many strategies and measures to address HIV, including pre-exposure prophylaxis Prep. People at high risk of exposure to the virus may apply for it.

Munilla's homophobic statements again provoke a storm of criticism
Bishop José Ignacio Munilla has for the umpteenth time expressed his homophobia and defended therapies to “cure” homosexuality. The former bishop of Donostia-San Sebastian has come out in his favor after beating a professor from Valencia to perform homosexual reconversion... [+]

Minors are half of those who have passed through the Osakidetza gender identity unit
The Gender Identity Unit of Barakaldo Hospital has treated 1,075 people since its inception in 2016. More than half of the respondents received primary care before they reached the age of majority. And a third of the total was under the age of sixteen.

Body sounds
"In Erotika we can't get out of production either"
The sexologist Igor Nabarro talks about the vision of desire, gender identity, erotic ... During adolescence he suffered a spinal cord injury that made him doubt about masculinity and sexuality. He has denounced that after the accident he has not received any kind of sexual... [+]

2024-07-02 | ARGIA
The documentary 'Lesvia', which talks about lesbian and ultra-right, takes the Zinegoak Grand Prix
The documentary, according to the jury, is necessary to "give space to coexistence" and, at the same time, not to forget that for years lesbianism has not had visibility. Available in Filmin.

Ehgg denounces authorities taking advantage of LGTBIQ+ people’s pride day for their interests
The Euskal Herria Sexual Liberation Movement (Ehgam) has announced that it will go to the streets like every year, “we mean that we are proud of our non-binary, trans, bolleras, maricas, bisexual and dissidents bodies. We want to claim loud and clear that our pen, our... [+]

Eguneraketa berriak daude