Dismissing the people you want at the time of the coronavirus is a pathway full of obstacles. In the case of people who have died from the virus and others who have died from some other cause, they have all had to suffer this terrible effect of the pandemic. For many months the funeral rites have changed and decreased, and in many cases, especially in patients with COVID-19, there has been no possibility of saying goodbye, there has only been a vacuum. At the height of the pandemic, a maximum of three people could go to burial or incineration. In the first phase of de-escalation, the group reached ten; in the second, in summer, up to fifteen people, and in the third, up to 25, but the distance between the two had to be maintained at all times by one and a half meters.

He diario.es has talked to several experts about grief. The psychologist Vicente Prieto says that more and more people come to his office: as they cannot normalize the grief, they have had a pathological mourning, a limiting situation that needs psychological support: "These are people who do not return to work or who do not adopt the usual standard habits, because they do not understand what processes are being carried out. They isolate themselves and can cause anxiety depression disorders and, moreover, they are people with traumatic fear in case of stress."

Dr. Prieto makes three recommendations for dealing with grief in the most effective way: The first is to accept reality in the face of the pandemic and not be chained by asking why it has happened to us. The second is to use video conferencing to be connected to the family and cry together: "Although there is no technology to replace a hug, we have to adapt to what we have," added Pello Urizar. The third, when possible, is "a tribute worthy of the loved one, to remember that even if he is not among us now, he will always be with us".

Start the grieving process

The IPIR Institute, dedicated to the training of bereaved and galley therapists, recommends in the guide on grief at the time of COVID-19 a number of ways to break the total isolation of the elderly or at risk and help channel the loss: being complicity of funeral employees, greeting by reading a letter, saving a personal object inside the coffin, playing a special song during the funeral. Another recommendation is to put a "memory corner" next to the house, quiet and intimate, to cry, to speak or to pray.

Saying goodbye is a very important part of grief to be able to move forward. The pandemic has made these dismissals impossible and, as a result, processing the deaths of those closest to them becomes much more difficult than in a situation without a pandemic. The nonprofit organization Covidwarriors obtained over 3,000 devices, provided by companies, in the confinement of more than 62,000 people to connect to hospitals. Volunteers set up phones or tablets and left them ready for use. Finally, they observed that communication with families was the main shortcoming, as many patients were completely isolated from the moment their cell phones were stored in hospitals.

Children facing grief

It is known that children take all stages and events of life naturally, and so does death. The writer of children's and youth literature Javier Fonseca explained the following: “This year I thought that the children have lost many grandparents and grandmothers, and that will mark them, with the lockdown. I believe that in the children’s literature the issue of death will have to be worked on in the future without saying goodbye, that has been the most painful thing the pandemic has had.” In the weekly magazine Adiós, Fonescá recommends children’s books on death. Because he believes it is essential that children also read about death.