It has already happened to me again.
I don’t know how much it is, but I would say that lately I have more… Maybe it has become a habit. Fuck! I don't want the "that" to become a habit ...
Habit, habit: memory that learns the body when something happens frequently.
Body memory. The memory of my body in that pain… Fuck! I don’t want the “that” to become a habit… But the truth is that it has happened to me again and that lately comes back frequently, that/tiredness, to my life.
-My tiredness can't complain. How to protest in an increasingly feminist
Basque culture.
Why, from where, who
could I complain to?
You could say: “It’s normal Amancay, it’s part of the situation we’re experiencing, it’s the toll every creator has to pay in times of coronavirus.” But it's not that. That also makes me tired, of course, and I can write a lot about our situation; about not considering ourselves as workers, not having rights, lack of a cultural policy. But this is another shattering. This is a particular fatigue.
My job has a name and surname. Male names, men's names. A lot. The system legitimizes my fatigue. I live as a creator, and lately I suffer as a creator.
My tiredness is singular, as I call it, but it is ours. My tiredness can't complain. How to protest in an increasingly feminist Basque culture. Why, from where, to whom I could complain. I should be at ease and not tired. My kolegs protect me (as if I were a child). They make me a place (like that place wasn't mine).
I get tired of your ways, your ways, your ways, your skills. I feel tired to feel that all your actions are legitimated, applauded. It fatigue me to have to be silent in the face of those actions. I'm tired of seeing what I've had to cut to stay in this male sea. I get tired of the stunts that I have to do to remake my shape, that other way of doing, that other way of doing.
I'm an acrobatic creator hanging in the air, in the male trapeze. I am also acróbata.El acrobata is anyone who is dedicated to culture. But there's a difference between you and me.
The shape of this trapeze has been chosen by you, the color, weight and height in which it is. And I've gotten tired. And lately I've gotten tired more times.