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INPRIMATU
How to manage relationships in containment?
  • Olatz Berastegi (Lizarraga, Navarra, 1975) is a sexologist and member of the educational association Azpeitiko Harremanen Elkartea, an association that founded the Basque School of Studies. Berastegi explained in the video-interview, among other things, how relationships can be managed during confinement.
Uztarria 2020ko apirilaren 07a
Olatz Berastegi (argazkilaria: Dani Blanco)

How can you manage the stay of 24 hours at home due to confinement in couple relationships?

It is true that it is not easy to manage. Some couples I have in the consultation already call me. We have to take into account several factors, whether we are working or not, whether we have teleworking, what possibilities the house gives us to be alone or as a couple, etc. I think it is important for couples to understand that the situation we are experiencing is difficult and that tensions sometimes increase. We also need personal moments, both to be alone and to be with the partner to the extent that we have opportunities.

The institutions have called for the avoidance of kisses, hugs and, in general, contact so as not to spread the coronavirus. How can this situation be overcome?

It's very difficult. If we are at home and feel that we are not infected by the coronavirus, it does not seem sustainable to me to be without contact. I, for example, have children at home and I find it impossible not to have contact with them. What we have to do is maintain hygiene when we go home. If we do, I believe that we can continue to maintain contact and that it is also important. In fact, I don't know if we're going to die with the coronavirus, but with the lack of contact, I think we're going to be much worse.

Can they be a good way of calming the discomfort generated by the presence of sexual intercourse at home by taking action?

Yes, of course. Not only for couples, but also for people who live alone. The body has two movements, loading and unloading, and this situation loads us more than usual, as we do not have the space to download. So, we can use sex as downloads, individually or in pairs.

You mentioned those who live alone. You've been alone for many hours. What would you say to them?

To those who live alone, I would say that to enjoy their bodies and to download tensions it is very necessary to touch, to masturbate and to have imagination.

Many other couples will have to do the confinement in their own home. What can they do?

Today, video calls and social media bring us closer. They're there and they're useful. What happens is that many times in those video calls we don't know how our image is going to be used. When someone appears naked... It's not bad that they appear naked, but we don't know what use the others are going to give to those videos that we send. That look scary to me. We have to look a little bit into this question of using the image.

In fact, in today's society, it's becoming more and more common to link from Tinder applications or these kinds of quotes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of these applications?

It seems to me that these applications have many advantages. Both tinders and similar spaces allow us to meet people. Many citizens find it difficult to relate and for many it is not easy to meet new people. Many say: Who knows who is behind that! ". Well, as a person you know in a bar, behind that platform are also the citizens. I believe that the new platforms have opened up many opportunities, and for many people they are an opportunity, a solution; however, I also see the cons. Because in this consumer society we find it hard to relate, we know a person and we think we can find something better; that is, we rarely give the opportunity to meet a person, because we believe that that person we have in mind will come at another time. We have a false sense that we have thousands of possibilities. The relationship should be created and worked, and the relationships are reinforced with care and presence.

So can sexting be a way of relieving confinement and living sex differently?

Yes, but what happens is that we have to be careful about that, who we send the videos to, etc. It is important not to show the face and maintain anonymity. It is true that when we are in one relationship we think that the other is going to take care of us, but we have seen that when the relationships end or we suddenly get angry with the other, in some cases there has been inadequate treatment of this type of videos. Let this instrument be on our side and let the instrument not use us.