Ay Iñaki! Today he died a month and here I, in the middle of the spring, instead of writing about the flowers of the snow thorn or the willow, also came the black of your death, thinking about how I am going to invent myself to live.
Your friend has also been writing about the city. There have been attempts to understand his death, although we do not have a valid explanation. You have problems with fiction and now we had them with reality. Yes, we've all been from our yolk and to our desperate part, I think that's going to be appreciated.
Voice messages still come to your phone and many statements to your email. Because he accepts that we are not going to talk to them again. People can die, and yet they are in strong monologues, telling us how your death and post-death live.
All this was going to have to be taken seriously, Iñaki, as you have shown. Suicide is not a recreational issue, it's really tanned, but you have to take it seriously. Many times you said that you didn't have one, that in that inner chaos there were a lot of voices. Now, I think some of those voices are going to burst into laughter, because some issues related to your death have been a simple catxonship. Black humor saved from gachas, matti.
I have to tell you that after death there is no wind. That a lot of names and names are appearing. Sorry, more than the name, we will not agree with Barandi.
Two days before you died I ended what was your free, the fire Thirst, and I felt that all this is continuation of that book. Months and months (hoi dek lataputie!) There were no more subjects than the vacuum of Oteiza. And what was then hard to understand is touching me to live now. It's a kind of emptiness that we've left a big emptiness, but it's a kind of emptiness that's too complete.
You've gone with a lot of thorns and one of your thorns was the Thirst Sua, a book too difficult. People were afraid to read, that the central trunk could not be understood, that when the best was understood it ended... I get in touch with the book and I realize that you can stay in front of it: for many people it is too difficult to understand your death and has stayed with thorn (and pus) inside. An intimate friend and a young lady put her to explain the annoying trunks she finds hard to understand in her life. It's curious, the timid, the discreet, and the ones we hate the sponge, we've got to write. We have given the subject to Iñaki, not too little. Let's see if we can explain.
To dare to write this a little I said, it has increased, it needed, but we have not made it tender for it to be quiet. Some of us saw her premenstrual brother too much and others insufficient. You decided to cover the terrible pain, although maintaining this social mask brought even more terrible suffering. The need to relieve the interior of those we saw too much, Iñaki, and that does it by emptying the interior.
In this quiet house I cannot have interior noises, and if I had them, you could not tell us that inside me perverse issues. Here the family, friends, coworkers, readers and listeners, and also the dogs, had a great ability to talk about the city.
This noise was called guilt. Repentance, impossibility and pain are also mixed, but guilt is higher. I also felt perverse guilt, which I often found difficult to understand from the outside.
And who has helped me the most these days to take action to blame? When I called 112, an ertzaina first came to our house. Signing works. From the first moment to the last, you were looking at me. You were the last one to come out of the door, but before they said to me, jiging and holding my hand hard: "Garbiñe, I studied psychology, I'm a psychologist. You are not to blame. He's also not to blame. This is a disease. What is more, come to anybody here at any time. We see things like this every week. Please live without guilt."
As Sancho brought to things of the world that Quixote that had struck the wind, that woman gave me a great descent. They took me out of the confusion, they showed me that I should be in the place where I fit and where I was (if you read this, contact me, please, I don't know who you are but you who I am) in the things that were happening.
On Good Friday and after the night, our encephalogram stopped planned instead of interrupting our heart. Well, he's also forced to interrupt some of the enzyme-phalograms. Those who do not understand your death, those who are angry with you, those who criticize you, those who say you are selfish and those who had those human grains. It will close everyone, if you ever have the need to take Deprax, Trankimazin, Noctamid or Psychotric. I have no proof of that, but I have no doubt.
You who had a dead body had to get to our house first, you were a friend Bentatxo. A friend who showed us that we had to talk and live about love and forgiveness. If you remember, as we hunted and ate the prepared scholarship, it taught us a good lesson. Since then, some of us were also bronchus from love and forgiveness. Your lesson is now more necessary than ever, so I will also write you from love and from forgiveness.
More love than forgiveness. Because in those terrible days of premenstrual death, only the anode that gives love gave him a little breath. I needed a lot, of all of us, and everything seemed insufficient. He told me that Stig Dagerman knew how to put a very proper name to his book (Our need for comfort is insatiable), but you did not speak of literature, you lived the cider of another cuba.
With forgiveness you have only left me one thing to tell me that I was not going to forgive. Those of us who have witnessed his illness, those of us who have tried to understand it, and those of us who have tried to love the city, have seen that he had to do what he has done. Yes, yes, the normal thing will be that we are not able to understand this, I know, but "to the lack of truths we do not have in consciousness in the louse".
However, in the tanatory the crying, the cry and the impossible. Debts of conscience, guilt, repentance, self-flagellation, indescribable pain, unlimited pride and the question why.
Neither Iñaki, the cooked sadness that does not break, was there only the sorrow that explodes. People who confessed they didn't cry for years left tears, mucus and bibs glued to the glass. You were alienated, yes, and I have to tell you that that was alienated, some of your proportion.
You know that some lived angry with you, others irremediable and third category, the most mysterious to you, the one that wasn't angry with them but didn't speak. These are also going to have internal knots. I saw HHD (this is true) on your face. I had no better answer.
There were also the bad old that Ezerdi hi loved so much. My aunt Josefina told me that she had seen many deaths but that she had never seen so many men crying: "The woman doesn't do you well, but the amount of such a young man draws a nonsense, it's not a nice thing." You so much appreciated Anttoni de Ezamaun, who also threw him a magnificent copy. Yes, yes, city, son of Luxia de Ezamaun: "The sky you enjoy." "How well I said to Antton, I've given her the joy," I thought inside.
And Aimar Uribesalgo appeared to round the tomb of the tanatory. We already have this guy's need. Your need for Surrealism Odyssey and Black Humor, I would like to say to you. Taking into account a performance you did once about the stays in the tanatorium, he appeared there with the tank. Because you couldn't do it, or he put it away. I wasn't going to say that I was dressed in the coffin that handsome pajamas that bought hi Kotoin (Froitz, puts "Permanent tourist" on the chest the pajamas, see it, has shoved us the goal aze). Black humor is once again saved.
A priest couldn't drive the funeral of one who did so well the priest, we didn't allow him to do his job, but we had jobs to do things right.
The men took the initiative and the ladies laid the foundation, had a good balance. However, the pleasures received the microphone, those who were pleasurable did not dare to appear before everyone. The power is great, but when the pain dominates it is impossible.
During the trial of the event we were one of those who cared about the coup: "Oysters, we're going to do a musical act! Here are many musicians and bertsolaris, Iñaki gets angry! ". And then he himself encouraged people to put the beards and cut off the air a text so that those of us who were there would forget the verses and the songs. My gratitude and admiration for life in Kurku. I lived with Iñaki for living, for writing and, not too long, and for reading it in front of everyone with this temple.
In the end we put You are always on my mind, version of Pet Shop Boys. Like a popero song and a disco, that's what Mora asked them. Since you can't answer in HL (Lurrin Legs) I'm going to tell you why: When he greeted his father in the Basque Country, Irratia used the song "fanfain" for his father. To my brother Joxemari and to me the first thing that had come to mind was a tribute gesture, rather than a greeting.
After a few days, we've looked at the letter, and surprise, we've seen it say things like this. "Maybe you didn't treat yourself well enough, maybe you didn't love you as often as needed, I had to do and say little things, but I never looked. You're always in my memory. Maybe you didn't hug you in solitary moments."
I'm called that unusual phrase when people feel that my life has just been stuck. They told me that life is going on, but they didn't know in practical terms what that means. Here's a fact to understand: you entered the niche on Saturday and you went to the doctor's appointment on Monday. Yes, yes, I didn't cancel the appointment. The reasons for Ainhoa Egibar can be heard in the word. My dear Doctor Eva Rodríguez also wrote to me from Bilbao.
And from the tip of Argentina, the most anti-doctor wrote me a penalty, Eneko Landaburu. Asking before giving explanations, Iñaki, you know, in her style. "What can we learn from Iñaki's death, still alive?" asked, and I said, "Asko Eneko, barbaric bat ikasi daiteke. Mesedez, Swiss familientzat eta lagun-bat da, baina besterik gabe. Errazena, baina, prosecuatu behar dela. Unconditionally izan behar, baina ratoak, ez dela esan behar, justo, behar duzue (…)".
As far as doctors are concerned, I am now advised that people take the medication, Iñaki, for convenience, knows that these pains are too great to manage on their own. They had to take passionate patience with their neighbour and let us not say unsolicited advice. I studied at the faculty that the human being had made the wildest cruelities in history, something that I've always thought was very suspicious of the best. Both Iñaki and the human being are suspicions (I repeat this).
As in this paper I have to tell everyone and everyone, I will bring here an interview that for you was memorable and exciting for people to understand me. Made by Maite Artola for the Basque Country Irratia in 2013 to Feli Artano, mother of Joxi Zabala. I memorized the following passage (14´):
Maite asks: "Have you needed help to maintain your life?" and Feli's answer:
"At least from the point of view of the medication, I refused to take the medication. So I had very good doctors, cane... Then, if I left, I was going for concrete things, eh! Nothing didn't go. And if I said to myself then, yes, you need something, antidepressant, or I would refuse to take it. He said, if I have to be awake at night, I will be awake, but I do not take sleeping medications (…).
Maite Artola: To eliminate pain, to eliminate that suffering.
Feli Artano: Yeah, that interior. What could I take with it? Are you going to take it off? ".
And now, like the donkey at work, many of us think of things that in this thing that has let us not move forward or go back (CoR) couldn't. We will continue to make plans with them, for example. & '97; How many plans have Iñaki left pending! How many big invitations and from here! Oh my mom, how to do all those!
Well, speaking, I hear you say, and the best thing is that, we're going to make all of those plans. Because you always have to bet on the human being. I could like many cities, because his death is a sign that we really took him. With the wires and wires you leave, with the crochet we will make a warm necklace. I've been your pointer over these years and this time it's also my turn to make the list.
We shall therefore be able to:
A meal in Angune made them the most famous and nice cuckoo with their young friends. Because for your fear of hunger you have left closets full of anachards, supreme Fakundo packets and chocolate. I will eat them with your young friends until they make a sweet empacho, although now it is difficult to have the joy of eating. And Iñaki will fight us in the so-called blues, as if we enjoy the bluish sadness that the emptiness left by you gives us.
As we said, we will head to the river Granada with the family of Azkonobieta. They'll all eat trouts that Xabat wanted to fish just for you.
I stay with Jon Artano at the hermitage of Olaz, to speak of dancer, and with Danel Agirre at Christmas, eating some baklava to talk about the lamentable panorama of Basque culture. You lack even more regrettable wind, he tells me.
We will continue to practice the chills of water. Honey, Aimar, Isuo and now also with Izaro in the well of Zuola, in the Zurrunbillo. With Dorleta in Potorrosín, with the Jungle in the Kilimon stream and with Helena in Gilluen. We're going to put our heads under the running water, like you did, to spin the ideas well, and we're going to go to the winter trolleys at the octopus of Mutriku, to see if this time Mister Albert comes in.
I'm going to be late on Wednesdays to eat Chipirones with your second family. What am I going to do, sick?
Jungo na Baleneaz and Inestxua Ondarrure, matxi, because there they await you, waiting on the spectrum. There you were ten! And you've already started, famauoi (hori ez wishful thinking). Matxe zatxue mogolloi, baakixu. In Agirreoan the anchovy fileti jangou in Zamorani, the gexa of good edible and a good coffee, a good wedding bath, because the best of Ondarroa is Iñaki Deunan, in Zamorani. Then I examined the Jai Braianea with the Jungo and the OGA (Ondarrutarra Certificate of Aptitude) of Danon artin eingotsue, starting with the mouth. I will take advantage of it. Etxeruzkun, Saturranea beire esangostazu "bixitxi marabilli re", and Kemen Lertxundin sings a song.
I'm going to eat with Nerea, Oier, Ioritz and Aiora, this time we're playing at Hernani. He has left me many issues to talk to me, he tells me. The other day, we get more themes to point us on the list of most significant casualties, and we will continue to work on it. I've left Paul Auster's Experiments with the Truth in Truth, I think he's started to unravel your highlights.
I invite you to eat your reddish confidant, who are accumulating the chiquills again. If Beasain's tribute hangs his gift boxes and then I will have to caress them, let them see if the fever of communism is reduced a little. The grilled chicken, chickpeas and cheese sweets guide us well inside.
I go to the cemetery with your brother, the head physicist, High Begoñita, Lorea, Nagore and Aitziber. We've decided that we're going to eat nuggets looking at the city, talking to the three of us, to see if, as in the city that was happening to it, we're eating a pipe that comes to us with some good ideas. There you are, if I had to say so. Because at Earth level, in Abitain, in niche 576, you defend in a sympathetic abyss. Arpa sees him perfectly from the place of the rods and the punch player is also there. You did not manage to interview for the SA, now we are going to hold you to account. On the visit they have made, I've seen the old bad guys and the teenage crews eating treats, I've spent them on Saturdays in the afternoon. So, in your salsa. And the best thing, Iñaki, is that the guavas don't go to the cemetery. The wars he could not endure in his life have kept him locked away in a niche, they thank him.
Ah, and a note. There will be two pots in the cemetery. In one of them I will put the flowers and leave the other empty so that whoever wants can put whatever he wants. I'm going to give you the Garo, the Betivitias, the Snow Thorn, the Elderflower and the Red Thorns, but also the harvest, the tongue, the Cunalikardo, the Lipurian herbs and the Candy. We've always had to walk like everybody else, and you're not going to start to change. As your friend Artue told us, the guacaus have gone very far.
Mamo ("that means breaking statisticians, Mamo") tells me there are 150 HL sessions. The Basque Country Irratia do not increase the number of sacks. Many of us are hearing again, others for the first time. We will continue to sing the backdrop of Peruzzio, in Iturriondo in Asteasu or in the capital of Eki Timor. There were listeners who were looking at how the flights to Eki Timor are. We're going to go lying down, because doing tourism is going to be betraying. We will clarify the matter by taking a few tests.
I'm going to hear the cuckoo in Otzaurte or two kuku in Garin, alternating in the singing. With the words of Hire atte Antonino and José Ignacio Lasa in the heart.
I'll get a truck that puts Transportes Segurola on par when I head to Irún, I know. Because I have to make the besita to Jorge and Beñat. You've always had some homework there and now you've also left me the jobs you had to do.
I've written him too long Iñaki, I know, you've suffered but subject, it doesn't matter. If you believe in time and not time, it's a matter of clocks.
Don't worry about me, I'm going to try to live the AAG (clear, agile and sweet) as you wanted to live. Also be aware of the AAG rims. I have tried, to see if I can, because it is not a question of achieving it, we should be able to differentiate.
When I see how I'm growing when it calms down. I started sending someone to catch the wind. It's the school you've shown, the school in Oteiza, why you're going to keep that kind of soft friendships, which only lead us to sterility. Oh, yeah, I haven't told you why. Now I haven't begun to say things that you don't hear, that is, that you have with us here, that there are no great differences alive or dead, that to be quiet, that I am strong and paolas of that kind. They don't see anyone else's pain, perhaps by washing their hands. We looked out the window at these beautiful places under Izarraitz and reassured ourselves. Now you are there, in that beautiful place, in the cemetery of Azpeitia. The two legs in Abitain, Xstyle.
I had three aunts and a widowed mother who are going to have today, now and here the best school. You tell me that I cry like a gypsy, and that's good, that she wasn't left. There is no such coach. Another reminded me that my late father told me this copla: "What did I think was a crush? Are you sitting and guitarized? ".
This ending I'm doing on your idiolekto. From Hetxu, the two winds joined each other. The first moon of the spring take this full moon! Where are you going with people touched by the moon! ). Now, surely, your most beloved mother will be that of water, putting her head in a healthy water. The damage. For your joy.
You weren't marrying anyone and it's up to me to be your wife, it's a brand. Now I have left myself unable to give up on that word "widow," dry and sad, and I miss him, because he has to invent another word to start this new nameless being.
I want Nike to be a simple path, but this life is not easily understood. It relaxes what I've learned with the three: to understand that it's overvalued, that poetry doesn't understand everything either, that there's a diffuse field, a field of descriptive, undefined things. Well, my life is also going to have a lot of that fuzzy field.
And yes, I'm going to listen to Aitziber Amás. Because now he has told me that he has to make a wedding class of the hitulos that made me a lot, the vine and the crying.